Thursday, November 20, 2014

Pardon?

“But doctor, you’re the one who, on three different occasions in the last eighteen months, told me I was knocking on death’s door.  What do you mean there’s no apparent cancer left?”

My apologies for the delay in this update, especially to those of you who were aware that we met with the oncologist on Tuesday, and have been waiting to hear.  It’s just that we’re still digesting the news (and, of course, working, driving boys to hockey, etc., etc.).

Apparently, the pathology report from this last surgery was good.  Really good.  So good that the oncologist said “this confirms for us that your cancer was not a true recurrence.  The pathology from your first liver surgery showed that there had been a bit left behind, but the surgeon was hoping that the fact that he had cauterized the margins would be enough to deal with that.”

And then he said he had asked for a second opinion, and he had talked to someone more senior than he, who agreed that there was no value to be had in offering more chemo, since there appeared to be no cancer to deal with, and the next thing we knew, we were booking an appointment for a three month checkup, and just like that, we were in the monitoring phase.  (To be fair, it’s the same phase we were in last May, but this time with a little more confidence.)

When we were alone in the room again, we just sat and looked at each other, and that’s when I uttered the “F” word.  I looked at my wife and said “Perhaps I can begin to think about the Future again.”

Thursday, November 06, 2014

An extension to my expiry date?

This week, in a sermon on hope, I was reminded of Romans 5:3-5: “but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint”.  I’m not so sure I’ve done much glorying in my tribulations (I’m trying!), nor got much perseverance nor character, but I continue to have hope.

Today I finally got to meet with the surgeon who performed my most recent surgery.  It was a wonderful meeting!  He started by telling me how blown away he was with my recovery.  He was practically gushing.  He stopped short of calling it miraculous, but I guess I’m his star pupil this year.  :-)  In fact, he casually asked my secret.  I told him quite simply:  a lot of people were praying both for him and for me!  He admitted that in his line of work, death is a very real possibility with each patient.  He went on to read through the pathology report with us, and it all sounded like good news.  Whereas in the first liver surgery the pathology on the margins came back somewhat ambiguous (which is the most likely reason for the recurrence), this time it was more clear.  He was able to get the margins he wanted, and the testing from the edges all came back negative for cancer.  So, as far as he is concerned, there is no cancer in my liver.  Admittedly we’ve heard that before, but it was still great to hear.  It also seemed to be spoken with a little more confidence than the last time we heard it.  So, perhaps my expiry date has been extended a little bit. :-)

Of course, we see the oncologist in a week and a half, so I expect my world will come crashing down again during that visit, but for now, life is good!  God is good!

Monday, October 27, 2014

There but for the grace of God...

We received some fairly sobering news today.  When I was in the hospital with my last surgery, I briefly shared a room with a man who’d had essentially the same surgery as mine (though his had been about a month prior to mine).  For reasons unknown, his body did not recover as well as mine.  We got word today that he’d passed away last Thursday.  Then we also got news that another friend from Edmonton had been diagnosed with the same cancer as my own.  Yep, sobering.

In case you’re wondering how I’m doing, I believe things are progressing as they should.  I’m recovering.  I was able to work a full 40 hours (from home) last week, though it exhausted me (I slept most of Saturday :-).  My incision hurts a little more than I remember the previous ones doing, but the staples are out and I think it’s coming along as it should.

Unfortunately, I still don’t know much in terms of a prognosis.  About all the surgeon told me was that the operation had been a success.  I have an appointment with the surgeon (in which I’ll hopefully get more details) on November 7, and an appointment with the oncologist on November 18.

So, I continue in God’s hands, and if He wants me on this planet for another 30 years, that’s absolutely no problem for Him! :-)

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Update From Susan #3


All I have to say is:

 

HE’S HOME.

 

Just so very thankful.

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Post-Surgery Update

(Susan here.  Brad's on an extended sleep over.)


Surgery was Monday, no big surprises, still no major concerns about how well he’s recovering. He’s been moved from the “High Observation” room to a different room, which just happens to be private, so he’s on Unit 102, Room 1059.

 

He’s finding the time passes very verrrry slowly, so he said “Tell people even if they just want to sit and read a book, company makes the time go faster.”  So if you were thinking of visiting …  (particulary tomorrow, because I am working from 3 till 9:30, so will not be able to spend much time there.)

 

Your notes and prayers and cards are so encouraging, I can’t even tell you. 
 
“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail, they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.”

Sunday, October 05, 2014

The Knife


Well, I’ve had a wonderful few months living essentially symptom-free.  Just today I got to do one of my favourite things:  go on a road trip with my wonderful wife to watch my awesome son play hockey.  Friday I got to celebrate my incredible daughter’s 19th birthday with my family and some friends.  Tomorrow I will get rudely yanked back into a reality where I am fighting for my life against an uncaring unfeeling opponent that is doing its best to kill me.  (How’s that for a  little melodrama?  J)
 
Thankfully I’m in the hands of The Great Physician, who is capable of healing me or of giving me a glorious eternity.  Right now I’m kinda hoping He helps the physicians in the operating room.  I don’t feel like my work here is done, but it’s His call.
 
I’m glad I don’t have to be awake or responsive during this procedure.  After all, given that I have to be at the Foothills hospital by 5:30AM, my hunch is I’ll be sound asleep again before the anesthetic has a chance to do its job.  J
 
Anyway, I’ll try to send an update out as soon as I can after the surgery.  I’m hoping we’ll know a little better what the future holds after the surgeons operate.
 
See you on the other side (of my surgery, that is – sheesh, I’m not dying just yet!).  Thanks for all your prayers, thoughts, and support!

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Surgery Date

Just a quick update to let you know that my next surgery is slated for October 6, and to answer a couple of questions I get asked often, especially by people who don’t see me day-to-day.
  • “How are you feeling?  Are you in any pain or discomfort?”  The simple answer is that at present I feel no pain nor discomfort.  I feel pretty much 100% normal.  I’m working, going to lots of hockey, going to movies, playing Settlers with my wife and friends, etc., etc.  In fact, if it weren’t for the doctors telling me so, I wouldn’t know there was anything wrong.  I was recently asked (indirectly) how the cancer could have snuck up on me without my knowing and the answer is simple:  either there is no pain/discomfort or I’m oblivious to it.  In fact, if you want reassurance, feel free to check out the video (yes, I have it on the web, though you have to download it to see it – it’s at the bottom of this page) of me jumping out of a plane.
  • “What about a liver transplant?”  Yes, liver transplants are fairly routine by now.  No, I’m not eligible.  Once cancer has metastasized (spread) to the liver, the person is considered too high a risk, since there are so few livers available.  I guess it’s assumed that the cancer is too likely to infect the new liver as well.
Until next time….

Friday, September 05, 2014

Windows Support (yes, a diversion from my cancer posts)

I just had a delightful time on a phone call that I thought I had to share.  The home phone rang, and since I was expecting a call from the surgeon’s office about a surgery date, I answered it.  Well, it was a very nice phone call from a very helpful “Windows Support” agent suggesting there might be something wrong with my computer.  I really wish I’d recorded the conversation!  I think the first words out of my mouth were “does this actually work for you guys?  Do you actually manage to suck people’s credit cards out of them over the phone?”  He mumbled on for a bit and I asked my question again.  At that his response was “well it doesn’t work on dickheads like you” (his exact words (crude language), not mine).  I laughed harder than I had been and suggested that if it actually worked, I wasn’t worthy and should really go work for him.  At that point he challenged me and said “I bet I can suck your credit card information out of you, too.”  I said “OK, give it a try.”  He said “OK, are you in front of your computer now?”  I said “Yes, I am, but you’ll have to tell me which one:  my primary server, my backup server, my desktop, my laptop, my kids’ computer, my wife’s laptop, my wife’s Surface, my Mac, or my daughter’s iPad.”  At that point the line went dead.  J

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Hope

Isn’t that one of the best words in the English language?  I echo the Psalmist when he says “Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:5.

So I was listening to music while working on Friday, and I often just shuffle everything on my phone.  It drives Sue nuts when I do that because of all the weird transitions between people like The Beatles, Michael Card, The Rolling Stones, Sara Groves, Pink Floyd, John Denver, Billy Joel, Carolyn Arends, Dwight Plett, etc.  Anyway, at one point MercyMe’s “I Can Only Imagine” came on and I closed my eyes to do some imagining.  Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and I was glad to be facing my screens in such a way that people walking by wouldn’t notice.

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for your Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Yeah, it completely caught me:  I was overwhelmed by joy.  What a hope!  (Well, ok, maybe not the dancing.  :-O)

I eventually managed to compose myself and continue working.  A few hours later Sue called.  The surgeon had called.  He wanted to offer me another liver resection (surgery).  Apparently the tumour board had decided it was at least worth another try.  Unfortunately he was in a hurry, so we have a number of questions outstanding (e.g. when, what the chance of success is, etc., etc.), but it seems there may be a little hope for a bit more time here after all.  And that after I’d so much begun looking forward to the next phase of my existence.  :-)

Aren’t roller-coasters fun?  And now from MercyMe to Billy Joel:  “From the high To the low to the end of the show For the rest of their lives.” :-)

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

I'm not dead yet...

What a fantastic couple of weeks I’ve had!

On Sunday, August 17, I fulfilled a life-long dream by jumping out of a plane.  As a bonus, I got to do that with my daughter Amy, and my good friend Bill.  What a treat!  My pictures are here, and I’ll eventually get around to posting the video.  I had no idea the skin on my face was so loose.  Amy is just so much more photogenic than I am!!! :-)

Later the same week, I got to go on a wonderful road trip with my son Brodie.  I drove him out to Vancouver for the Giants rookie camp.  It was quite a thrill for both of us.  He played very well.  (In case you’re wondering, he’s not actually old enough to make the team yet.  They do this for 15-year-olds that they consider prospects to get a better look at them and give them a taste of the WHL.)  I know that since we’re both guys we shouldn’t talk too much about bonding, but I think we did some of that.  And it was such a great GUY trip.  How can five banzai burgers in five days and taking turns complaining about the traffic be bad? :-)

On the medical front, the good news is that it doesn’t look like there’s a surgery in my near future after all.  The bad news is that it doesn’t look like there’s a surgery in my near future after all.  Unfortunately, in my case, that really is bad news.  After numerous tests over the last few weeks (MRI, colonoscopy, CT scan, PET scan) we met with the liver surgeon today.  I hope I capture the essence of what he said correctly, but it was not good.  Essentially he said that the tumour had, in fact, returned, and that the location meant that it was practically inoperable.  Also, since it returned so quickly after chemo, chemo doesn’t sound like a good option either.  He said that without treatment I may not have more than a couple of months, and that they’re running out of treatment options.  He and his colleagues were going to discuss it further on Friday or Tuesday and then we’ll get information about what’s next.  He did mention localized radiation might be an option, but at the end of the day, he didn’t give us much cause for hope.  So, whereas the subject says that I’m not dead yet, it would appear that it may not be all that much longer.  It does seem strange to hear/say that when I’m feeling as healthy as I am right now, but I guess that’s the way it is.  Still, we will continue to leave it in God’s hands, and if He wants me around longer or figures my work here isn’t done, He’ll pull me/us through it.  In the words of Job:
"Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised."
Job 1:21 (NIV)
Or, in the words of a contemporary movie, “God is good, all the time!”  I’m still more familiar with Job’s words in the King James version:  “blessed be the name of the Lord”.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

"Our present sufferings..."

I may have made reference to this scripture in a previous update, but I was reading Romans 8 today and verse 18 kinda jumped out at me:  “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  Then, just a bit further along verse 21 says “in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God”.  There is so much more in that chapter – I encourage you to read it in its entirety.  I read it while in the lobby of my oncologist’s office, waiting to hear about my 3-month (after chemo) CT scan.

It’s almost not right that I open by talking about “present suffering”.  The last three months have been fantastic!  My spirits have seldom been higher.  However, when one has just had a CT scan and one’s oncologist moves one’s appointment up by a week, it does cause one to wonder a little.  Well, sure enough, the cancer is either back or was never all gone after all.  Apparently there is growth around the edges of where the liver surgery was.  Right now they’re planning to open me up again and clean up the growth on the liver.  I find myself once again caught between the bleakness of the oncologist’s outlook and the optimism of the liver surgeon’s outlook.  The liver surgeon seems to think he can clean it up quite easily.  The oncologist says if the liver surgery can’t happen quickly enough, we’ll need to do some more chemo.  However, he was also saying that he wasn’t sure the “tumour board” (I don’t know what that is either, but it sounds like a few doctors/specialists need to agree?) might not approve more chemo since the chemo between my liver surgery and now wasn’t effective enough and they might start to think “incurable” (yes, that word did come up).  The oncologist is really hoping the surgery happens toward the end of August.  He used the word “urgency” when describing the timetable.  I think I’ve stated that as accurately and objectively as possible.

So, if you’re so inclined, please feel free to pray especially for Sue, Amy, and Brodie.  I’m not exactly looking forward to all the medical appointments, procedures, etc., either, but my welfare doesn’t concern me nearly as much as theirs.  Another verse that I may have used before (I guess I should keep track J) comes to mind:  “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” Philippians 1:23-24.  I guess I’m kinda wishing I could say, with Paul: “Convinced of this, I know that I will remain” (v25), but my future does not seem that clear.

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

First post-cancer-treatment update

Well, it’s been a very strange day.  After eighteen years of self-employment I found myself in a cubicle signing papers to become an employee.  I must admit:  I never thought that would happen!  A few weeks ago, when they (Beta Machinery) first asked me if I had any interest, I said “the work you have for me right now is interesting, it looks like you have some interesting work for me coming up, the people and the company seem great from what I’ve experienced so far (I’ve worked for them off-and-on for several years), but I can’t imagine you can give me the kind of flexibility and wage that I am accustomed to as a contractor.”  Apparently I was only partially correct.  Yes, I’ll be taking a pay cut, but not nearly as much as I expected.  I’ll still get lots of flexibility in terms of work hours and location (I’ll likely do quite a bit of my work from home), I’ll get a reasonable amount of paid vacation time and statutory holidays (which I was never disciplined enough in the past to budget for appropriately, so it was always a little tense when I wanted to take more than a day or two off), paid training (which was a significant chunk that came out of my personal company previously) AND I’ll get short-term and long-term disability AND a good life insurance policy, which I assumed I’d never have again in this life.  It seems God is providing for me in ways I just never expected!  So, we’ll have to see how it goes.  I get the impression that this company will make it as easy as I can to be an employee.  And, of course, I’ll continue to do some contract work on the side (I can’t help myself).  To be honest, I doubt I’d have taken this job had I not had a family, but it seems to have given Sue a bit more peace-of-mind, so that’s a great thing.  And here’s a piece of trivia just to show what a small world this is:  this company bought a piece of software that I had a large part in writing back when I worked at my last employee job (back at Nova in the late 80’s)!

And there’s more good news.  June was my first full month of work since June 2013.  That certainly was a good feeling.  I’m feeling more and more “normal” every day. :-)

My physical stamina is taking a while to come back.  A few weeks ago I spent some time fixing Sue’s bike and then did a few minutes of weed whacking.  It felt good to be doing some more normal activities, but even that bit of physical activity did me in – I spent most of the next day sleeping!

I mentioned in my last update that we’d hoped to take a family trip.  Well, not only did it work out, it was a wonderful trip!  Yes, there may have been a little more shopping than I’d have liked, BUT..  I got to go to my beloved Cape Meares, have a banzai burger at Red Robin, and have some clam chowder at Ivar’s. Life is GREAT!!!

Then, for the July long weekend we got an invitation to join some long-time friends (from our time in Edmonton) at a lake north of Edmonton. It was great to catch up with so many dear friends.  AND I was able to play some tennis and even try some wake surfing!  Of course, I gave some of them a bit of a scare when I jumped into the cold water and closed my eyes for a while to overcome the shock and let my mind take over my body again – everyone in the boat thought I’d passed out.  I really noticed the lack of strength in my legs, arms, and fingers, but it sure felt good to be able to give it a try anyway.  As I said, I’m feeling more and more normal as time goes by.

It looks like, between Sue’s work and Brodie’s hockey, our summer will be very busy (probably won’t get a trip to Manitoba until September), but I do have one more trip in my near future to look forward to. Brodie got an invitation to go to the Vancouver Giants rookie camp.  Brodie is pretty excited and intimidated at the same time.  We’re not expecting much this year, but we think it will be a good experience for him in preparation for a more realistic shot next year.  AND, I believe it will be the first hockey he’ll play that we don’t have to PAY FOR!

So, as I said, LIFE IS GREAT!!!  My spirits have been higher the last few days than they’ve been in quite a while.  God is good!  I’m not going to overgeneralize, but I think there is something to be said for the idea that it’s tougher to appreciate the good without some bad in life.  Now if I can just REMEMBER this stuff when the memories of the bad times fade.  I’ve been spending a fair bit of time thinking about Deuteronomy 8 lately. Check it out and perhaps you’ll know what I mean.

Oh, and one more thing.  I guess cancer/surgery/chemo is rejuvenating me.  When I was young my hair was curly. As I grew older it straightened out.  Now it’s the curliest it’s ever been!

Until next time….

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Last Round!

Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.
Psalm 34:3 (NIV)

So I’m sitting in a chemo treatment chair for my last round of chemo!  By the time you read this, two major surgeries and twelve rounds of chemo will be behind me!  In fact, it sounded weird to hear the oncologist say, at our meeting last Friday, that “this is the last time I’ll see you for three months”.  It feels exciting, since it feels like it’s been a long, hard road even though it’s actually been less than a year.  Unfortunately, it’s hard not to be haunted by the fact that 1) the probability of recurrence within the next five years is 60-80%, and 2) my Mom’s cancer came back within three months and took her quickly after that, but for now I am looking forward to a period of health.

Note to self:  if you’re determined to live through a stomach bug, avoid doing that over a chemo-recovery weekend!  Yes, a stomach bug went through our household over the last couple of weeks, and, maybe due to reduced immunity, it got me just as I was going down with chemo.  Usually I get my chemo on Wednesday and then start to fade out late Friday and come out of it Sunday.  This last time it was like someone flipped a switch Friday mid-afternoon.  I was working and then a sledge hammer hit me and I was in bed.  For the next several days it was all I could do to crawl the commute between the bed (or my chair) and the throne, which I had to do numerous times daily (occasionally numerous times hourly).  It wasn’t until the next Thursday that I finally started feeling better.  Needless to say, that was one of my worst recovery times since the beginning of this journey.  Anyway, I’m optimistic that this time will not be that bad.

Since then I’ve been feeling quite good, and I anticipate a couple of good days, then chemo-recovery (which typically consists of a whole lot of sleep), and then things will start looking brighter again, hopefully for many years to come!

And to celebrate the end of chemo, our family is going to try to scrape together our pennies and take a short road trip to the coast.  Coincidentally, the May long weekend marks a year since our family has gone on any kind of trip together, and for those of you that know me, you’ll know that’s practically an eternity.  Our vacation plans for last summer fell through, and we may not be able to afford a “real” vacation for a while yet, but I’m determined at least to take a long weekend away.  I’m hoping and praying it will be a good weekend of family time and time to acknowledge how God has taken us through this last year.

So, I’m sure I’ll send more updates in the future, but it may not be quite as regular.  Until next time, God bless!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

God is good! All the time!

I’m back in the familiar chemo chair undergoing my second last treatment.  The end is in sight, and that is something I’m sure looking forward to by now!  My last treatment is April 30.  The treatments certainly haven’t been as bad as before Christmas, but I’m still looking forward to recovering more completely.  I find myself happy that spring has (mostly) arrived, and I’m looking forward to summer.  I’ve been lucky enough to be able to walk around our lake a few times in the last week.  That is such a treat.  It feels like a bit of an accomplishment to be able to walk all the way around, when at Christmas I couldn’t even make it the length of the mall without stopping for a break!  I feel it when I’m done, but I can make it.  It’s also a treat because I’ve been walking while Brodie jogs.  He makes three laps, and I make one, but it still feels like it’s something we’re doing together.  Maybe someday soon I’ll be able to do that too! :-)

The last two weeks have been particularly nice due to visits from friends.  From a simple movie at our house, to coffee or lunch, to a road-trip to the US, to a couple of days of Settlers of Catan, it’s been wonderful to be able to spend some time with people we love.

And there is more good news to report.  God has really undertaken where my emotions are concerned.  I wouldn’t say that the depression/anxiety is completely gone, but it’s so much better.  I still have some trouble sleeping (especially falling asleep), but it’s not nearly as tortured as it was.  What’s particularly nice is that not only have I been able to work (37 hours last week!), but I’m regaining the joy of working, and am able to look forward to another day of work.  I know not everyone shares my feeling on this, but work, for me, is a blessing.

And God has provided in incredible ways where our finances are concerned.  The likelihood of bankruptcy is still there, but God has been giving us even more than our daily bread.  Many of you have been generous beyond belief, and we are more thankful than we’ll ever be able to express!

Anyway, thanks again for listening, and like I said last time, I’d love to hear from you as well (though I may be very slow to reply).

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Not much to report


So, whereas it’s been two weeks since my last update, I don’t feel like I have much to report. Chemo continues (I had another session today), but I reported most of my news on that front in my last update.  The good news is that my last treatment may have been my easiest one yet.  Yes, there was a bit of fatigue, but much less than the ones before my last surgery (and no hiccups!).  I think the tingling in my fingers is getting a little worse, but not really much.  The doctor feels we should press on.  And, after today’s visit, only *2 left*!

Other than that, the last two weeks have been relatively uneventful.  I’m managing to work, though I’m getting in less than half the hours I’m used to.  However, there’s a break in Brodie’s hockey now, so I’m optimistic that may go up a bit.  Speaking of Brodie’s hockey, unfortunately his season ended on a bit of a sad note – he didn’t make the Alberta Cup team, but he seems to be handling it better than we’d expected.

I re-read the book of Job last week, and I’m hoping this doesn’t come across as clichéd, but… I’d like to echo Job:  “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21 NIV)  Of course, that may sound a bit more negative than I mean to come across.  After all, another piece of good news is that my moods/emotional state are slowly improving!  “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (KJV)  Also, God continues to provide in ways that surprise us and keep us praising Him.

Hey – I’d love to hear from you as well.  I may not respond quickly (as I mentioned last time, I’m behind in my email responses), but I do enjoy hearing from friends/family. :-)

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Post-surgery chemo

Well, I’m sitting in a chair slowly being poisoned again.  This, they tell me, is a good thing.  J
 
I want to start this update with a very sincere “thank-you” and a bit of an apology.  I’ve been quite overwhelmed the last few weeks with the support we have received from family and friends.  Words are simply not enough to express our gratitude.  It is my sincere desire to respond personally to all the emails we’ve been receiving, but it may take a long time, so I’m sorry.  This is one of the areas in my life where I’m feeling very far behind!
 
Since my last update, my physical recovery from the surgery seems to be on course.  I had a CT scan last week, and yesterday the oncologist said it, as well as another test they ran (CEA – doesn’t mean much if it’s high, but is a good sign when it’s low) both suggested the cancer is gone.  So, the last four sessions of chemo are done to wipe out any microscopic remnant in an effort to prevent the cancer from returning.  I’m hoping that the long break from chemo will mean that it will be a little more like starting from the beginning, rather than picking up where we left off, especially in terms of tiredness.  I have some real concerns about the tingling/numbness in my hands and feet (causing me to have trouble with buttons and make a lot more mistakes when typing, which is a real concern given what I do for a living), but so far I’m thinking it’s better to avoid cancer recurrence than to worry about the tingling.
 
On other fronts, our finances are still not sorted out and continue to be a serious concern.  It frustrates me how slowly that’s going, even if a lot of the time it’s our doing (or lack thereof).  As Sue says, though, we’re both limited physically and/or emotionally right now.
 
However, the depression seems slowly to be getting a bit better.  I’ve had a few really wonderful days lately that have helped.  One day last week I got to see my son play a hockey game and then, thanks to a friend’s generosity in providing tickets, got to take him to a Flames game. Then I got to spend two days with my siblings who came to visit from Manitoba.  The four of us took a trip to Banff, and it feels like a very long time since I’ve been that happy.
 
To top things off, God seems to be answering prayers for us in ways that we feel we hardly deserve (e.g. getting a vehicle to replace our van (watch Sue’s blog for that story), having a $2,000 bill we didn’t know how we’d pay and receiving exactly that amount as a gift from someone we’ve never met)!  God is good!
 
Until next time...

Saturday, February 22, 2014

And yet I find myself a little jealous of Superman

My last post was to let you know that not only am I not dead yet, I haven’t completely lost my sense of humour yet.  Still, I’m finding myself wishing I were more of a man of steel than I’m finding myself to be. :-)

The good news is that the physical recovery is going well.  I’ve had a couple of follow-ups with the surgeon, and he seems pleased with my progress.  It sounds like I’ll be continuing chemo soon – probably at the beginning of March.  I have an appointment with the oncologist next Tuesday, and I should find out more then.

But, despite the physical recovery, I find myself thinking about Job (from the book in the Bible – read it if you’re not familiar with it :-) or maybe Peter (see Luke 22:31-32).
  • It seems the liver resection upset my chemical balance, and I seem to be experiencing depression.  The doctors are giving me some medication that will hopefully help, but it’s taking its time.  And sadly, knowing the causes doesn’t seem to help me cope.  Fortunately, it’s not so serious that I’m suicidal or anything, but it’s no fun to be sitting and shaking with anxiety and not seeming to be able to do anything about it.  Fortunately I have a wonderful, caring, and understanding wife who’s helping me and supporting me more than I can put into words!
  • It looks like, barring a miracle, we’ll be declaring bankruptcy.  It’s not the only option, and we’re praying it doesn’t get that far, but it’s looking more and more inevitable.  Cancer isn’t necessarily the direct cause – it’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  It’s unclear yet whether or not we’ll be forced to sell our house.  We’re not that attached to this house, but to be honest, the idea of moving quickly would be overwhelmingly daunting if we were both healthy!  Also, the mortgage is life-insured, so it would be very good if we could keep it, especially if my days are numbered.  Much as I’ve enjoyed contracting, and much as it seems made for me, perhaps being an employee with benefits would have been better in retrospect.
Anyway, I still believe that God is good, and that He will provide.  And it’s also cool to think that, like Peter, Jesus may be praying for me that “[my] faith may not fail”.  And even if it’s not Jesus, I know the Spirit does (Romans 8:26-27).  And it’s wonderful the way it’s bringing Sue and me closer together as we fight all of this together.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Superman is a WIMP!

What’s the deal with the “S” sewn on a fancy outfit?  What kind of commitment is that?  Maybe a tattoo would be a little more impressive – I’ve heard they can be a little painful.  But even ink – how superficial!  I am Lambda Man, and I’m committed!  In fact, I’m so committed, I didn’t just sew it onto a uniform or get a tattoo.  Hey – if you’re going to commit to something, have it carved right into your abdomen!!!

OK, maybe instead of claiming to be committed, I should be committed!  :-)

Friday, January 31, 2014

Recovering Slowly

I figure I better write this quickly, while I’m in a good mood.  I’m really on a roller-coaster these days. :-)

My recovery this time has been slower than 1) it was from the last surgery, and 2) I’d like!  Still, as the doctor said, after having been beat up by an operation to remove half my colon, months of chemo, and then an operation to remove half my liver, it’s to be expected.  The first couple of nights after coming home from the hospital I had nights full of nightmares and considerable disorientation.  That eventually cleared, but it left me in a bit of a funk.  I’ve just had very little energy, ambition, or appetite.  I had a follow-up visit this Wednesday, and the doctor noted that my hemoglobin was low, so he’s put me on some iron pills.  Hopefully that will help.

I’ve been very slowly getting back to work.  Yes, I know, many people tell me to “take more time off”, but 1) I ENJOY my work, and 2) I gotta pay the bills!

Anyway, I am now looking forward to what God has in store me for 2014!

Thank-you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Brad.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

No visible cancer

Hi.  As of this moment, there is no visible cancer in my system.  That is not to say there is no cancer, nor that I’m cured, nor that it won’t return but the surgeon got all he could see, and is quite optimistic about the results.  He and the oncologist now need to decide whether or not I will need more chemo treatments, in order to deal with any microscopic cancer and/or reduce the odds of recurrence.

The surgery itself, this time, was night and day from the last.  The last one was excruciatingly painful when I woke up, and the pain didn’t subside for several days.  This time I kept wondering when the pain would show up, and it never really has, at least nothing like last time.  One big difference may have been the doctor-recommended epidural for pain management.  Given what the pain was like even after the epidural was removed, that can’t have been the only difference.

There have been no signs of infection or of liver failure.  The only minor glitch is that due to not eating for several days, my electrolytes are out of balance, and I’m now sitting in the hospital, eating bananas, and waiting for the potassium to rise.  They’re now testing me approximately every four hours, and a soon as the level is high enough I’ll be leaving.

Brad.

Thursday, January 09, 2014

And so it begins again...

Yes, we had a wonderful, chemo-free Christmas here in Calgary (all of my family from Manitoba were here!), followed by an out-of-town hockey tournament.  I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I’d hoped during that time (did a lot of sleeping, especially at the tournament), but I am certainly noticing some improvement this week.  And just as I’m noticing the difference....

Yesterday I had my pre-admission for my surgery on Monday (the 13th).  Everything appears to be a go.  I’ve been told to expect to spend at least seven days in the hospital, and another six to eight weeks recovering.  Presumably I’ll be facing more chemo after that, and/or maybe even another surgery, but none of that has been set yet.  We’ll wait and see how the surgery turns out.  At this point I have no idea when I’ll be working again, whether I’ll feel like doing some in the hospital, or whether I won’t be able to until well after leaving the hospital.  It’s all in God’s capable hands! :-)

Brad.