And yet I find myself a little jealous of Superman

My last post was to let you know that not only am I not dead yet, I haven’t completely lost my sense of humour yet.  Still, I’m finding myself wishing I were more of a man of steel than I’m finding myself to be. :-)

The good news is that the physical recovery is going well.  I’ve had a couple of follow-ups with the surgeon, and he seems pleased with my progress.  It sounds like I’ll be continuing chemo soon – probably at the beginning of March.  I have an appointment with the oncologist next Tuesday, and I should find out more then.

But, despite the physical recovery, I find myself thinking about Job (from the book in the Bible – read it if you’re not familiar with it :-) or maybe Peter (see Luke 22:31-32).

• It seems the liver resection upset my chemical balance, and I seem to be experiencing depression.  The doctors are giving me some medication that will hopefully help, but it’s taking its time.  And sadly, knowing the causes doesn’t seem to help me cope.  Fortunately, it’s not so serious that I’m suicidal or anything, but it’s no fun to be sitting and shaking with anxiety and not seeming to be able to do anything about it.  Fortunately I have a wonderful, caring, and understanding wife who’s helping me and supporting me more than I can put into words!
• It looks like, barring a miracle, we’ll be declaring bankruptcy.  It’s not the only option, and we’re praying it doesn’t get that far, but it’s looking more and more inevitable.  Cancer isn’t necessarily the direct cause – it’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  It’s unclear yet whether or not we’ll be forced to sell our house.  We’re not that attached to this house, but to be honest, the idea of moving quickly would be overwhelmingly daunting if we were both healthy!  Also, the mortgage is life-insured, so it would be very good if we could keep it, especially if my days are numbered.  Much as I’ve enjoyed contracting, and much as it seems made for me, perhaps being an employee with benefits would have been better in retrospect.

Anyway, I still believe that God is good, and that He will provide.  And it’s also cool to think that, like Peter, Jesus may be praying for me that “[my] faith may not fail”.  And even if it’s not Jesus, I know the Spirit does (Romans 8:26-27).  And it’s wonderful the way it’s bringing Sue and me closer together as we fight all of this together.